Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The "Dark Days" Are Our Greatest Teachers

Everywhere I look, friends are unhappy, clients are riddled with anxiety, depression, self-doubt and fear, and life appears dark and without hope. At least that is the message I'm hearing from many.  Nothing feels satisfying anymore including relationships, work and the long-term picture looks bleak.  I see one of my responsibilities as a marriage and family therapist and art therapist as helping to instill hope into the psyches of my clients and teaching them that they can learn a thing or two about themselves during these    challenging times.  Since I know all too well about the dark days of life, I feel compelled to share my experiences with others and help them SEE that these challenging times help move us to higher emotional planes. I feel, and so do many spiritual teachers, that the so called dark days are our greatest teachers. That is, if we choose to look closely at our lives and what the darkness is meant to teach us. If you have ever received a diagnosis of a life-threatening or chronic illness, you understand how this news can propel you to take action and re-examine your life.  It is a motivator for many to change eating habits, start exercising, reconnect with old friends and repair relationships and hopefully see one's life from an awakened, eyes wide-open perspective. I believe we can view the cloudier days of our lives the same way...as propellers to experience a deeper understanding and respect for ourselves and lives.

Recently, when a good friend of mine asked, if I ever felt like just "ending it all," I had to be honest and reply, "of course." But, I also added, I'm sure glad I didn't follow through on that thought. I would not be the therapist, woman and healer I am today if it weren't for those dark moments of my life. Once I learned to not fear the dark days and to look them straight at them, and to learn from them, understand them and heal the pain, I found myself in a healthier and stronger place.  We are taught to extinguish sadness, pain and depression, not use them as teachers. We are taught to run from these
feelings and to pretend they don't exist. What if we took care of them, loved them as part of us and allowed them to be really felt and understood? Imagine what we might learn from them.

What I am suggesting, is the next time you experience emotional pain, try sitting with the feelings; try getting to know them and see them as a guide that can teach you about yourself.  Try really taking care of them as if they were an unset child instead of something to extinguish and reject. I would have your journal with you and write about what comes up. Write about what insight you might gain and allow your darkness to speak.

In peace,
Victoria

I'M BORED!

Whenever I hear the phrase, I'm bored, I have a physical reaction! My body grows tense, my eyes roll to the top of my head and I go into attack mode. "What do you mean you're bored?" "Are you kidding me?" With all the amazing and beautiful things in the world waiting to be felt and experienced, you're bored?" It is difficult for me to contain myself upon hearing this statement uttered.  Lets just say, one beautiful day, you find yourself mouthing these two words to yourself and you feel as though you are at a standstill not knowing what to do. Lets just say you stumble across a moment like this...what is an intelligent, wise, articulate, funny, imaginative soul to do?

If you have a computer and internet access you have a world of information at your fingertips...I have one word for you: GOOGLE. All you have to do is LOG ON. You don't have to leave your house; you don't have to pull out your wallet; you don't have to call a friend and arrange a date....all you have to do is LOG ON! Once on, GOGGLE! Do you like books, knitting, skiing, dance, gardening, basketball, old cars, stocks? What is it that shakes your soul? What is it that makes you excited? WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT? I find so many people have no passions or interests to fall back on when they have down time.  Or, when they lose their job or a spouse dies? Life becomes meaningless for them. They stare blankly into the TV and allow their lives to just tick away.

One way to find out what you are passionate about or or that puts a smile on your face, is remembering what you liked as a kid. It's true. Take a little trip back to your childhood and remember what it was that you enjoyed and spent your time doing. Did you collect bugs? Maybe it's time you ventured out into the wilderness or  took a trip to your local park, even cities have parks. How about joining a bird watching group? Is there anything you've been dying to learn, but haven't allowed yourself the time to take out of your schedule to do?  Check out your local extension school and sign up for a class that either interests you or that you have no clue about and expand your mind.

There is an endless world out there of topics to get excited about. There is you local government to get involved in. There are volunteer opportunities just waiting to be discovered. There are evening classes to enroll in. There are assertiveness training classes to teach you how to be more in charge of your life. There is the Sierra Club to get you outside and walking....I could go on and on with what is out there and at your fingertips!

Next time you find yourself mouthing the phrase, "I'm Bored," email me and we will can build a plan that will get you on the road to discovering what it might be that will fill your soul or developing a passion.  There is something out there just waiting for you to embrace!  Here is my email....Sealoverv@gmail.com.
Peace!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Year....New Perspective!

We humans are so interesting! We choose every new year to write our resolutions; we start exercise programs, dieting plans, set out to find mates, and attempt to start anew. What is interesting, is we can choose to do that any day during the year; we can start anew any second if we just put our heart and minds into it. We could choose to alter our perspective on life, on our state of being and how we view anything that crosses our path. I like knowing that I have that power. I like knowing I can see the glass as half full, half empty, or for that matter, completely empty or completely full!


So, how do you see your life? Does your perspective need some tweaking? Is your perspective of your self based on what is going on externally in your life? Have you ever stopped to really get to know yourself and connect to your core? Do you even know your core? That pure essence of who you are? Art is a great way to explore these aspects of ourselves that we may be unfamiliar with. Collage is a beautiful way to start the exploration.


Start cutting out magazine images that reflect aspects of who you are...not necessarily what you like, but deep inside; the parts of you that might include your "shadow" side, which is the part of you that you don't like to reveal to others or that you might be ashamed of or judge. Let them all hang out together and get to know each other. Play with each of their perspectives of life and of you.

Glue the images down. Maybe there are conflicting aspects of you: the silly side, the serious side, the outgoing side and the shy side. Get to know them and explore how they have shaped your perspectives on not only life in general, but on YOU. See what changes might need to be made to make your world and how you view yourself less critical and more loving and accepting.  Notice the old tapes that need to be deleted. Such as, "I'm too fat;" "I can't be loved unless______." "If it's not perfect...it's not ok." See what you come up with and get to know all of you and how you see the world and yourself! Have fun with the collage and discovering your essence...you might like what you find!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Creative Kick!

I had a long conversation with an old friend today about making changes in ones life. About how we can become stagnant, unhappy, numb and overwhelmed by where we are in our lives. I made some significant changes in my life about 10 years ago, including going back to school and completing my BA and MA degrees. These endeavors lead me to a new career as an art therapist and psychotherapist. I have to say, I am quite happy in my newly-designed life.  But, it was not just external changes that took place, it was with much introspection and change in perspectives that has me feeling great about my life.  So, here are some questions I'd like you to ponder and visually play with by using collage, journal writing, or any other creative medium you wish. After you read the question, answer it authentically and see where it takes you.
What you will need to do this exercise: magazine cut-outs, glue stick, scissors, blank paper or journal.
Question 1: What are you passionate about?  Choose images that answer this question. Then reflect on whether you are getting enough of this in your life.


Question 2. What in my life do I need to let go of to move forward?
Question 3: What in my life do I need to nurture?
Question 4. If I'm single, have I created a life I enjoy?
Question 5: Can I be alone with myself?


If you answer these questions with collage, you can expand on the exercise by writing about the process and experience after you are finished. And, if you begin the exercise with writing, see what happens when you turn the writing into a collage.


Once you have completed the exercise, use it as a guide to bring things into your life and to let go of the things that no longer work for you.
Enjoy the process!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

WHAT KEEPS YOU CENTERED?


I had a flash of gratitude today while I was standing outside the Honey Baked Ham store amidst the crowd of  focused shoppers. As I stood there, waiting for my friend to finish her shopping, I realized how fortunate I am and all I have to be thankful for in 2011. Let me just say, I've had years where it has felt like like I had all I could do to keeping my head above water.  But this year, I got to the finishing line of  being a licensed marriage and family therapist. That in and of its self has me grateful ten times over.  Writing a list of what one is grateful for is definitely an inspiring activity and a reminder of what gifts you've received throughout the last 12 months. And, I recommend everyone do it as a centering activity. Even if you are going through one of your more challenging of years, find one thing that you feel grateful for.  Anyway, this is not a posting about all that I have to be thankful for, though I could easily write many pages on this  subject, I want to help you gear up for the days and nights ahead by finding a practice that has you centered.  I want to suggest ways in which you can keep your wits about you, experience peace amongst the insanity, discover love in unlikely places, and most of all, trust in yourself when you might be swayed to doubt.


So, where do you find centering?  Do you have a meditation practice? Do you have a creative outlet? Do you make tine to walk in nature? When was the last time you went outside and counted the many different species of birds you saw? When was the last time you allowed yourself space to draw or paint a mandala?  Are there books you've been wanting to read?  If you are reading this and wondering just how and when you are going to fit any of this into your busy schedule, have you thought about asking your family to give you the gift of time this year? Do you trust someone else to take over while you take a break? Or do you feel you are the only one to keep the household functioning? I invite you take care of yourself this holiday and ask for what you need. Dear Santa, may I please have 12 hours once a week, once a month, or (you fill in the blank) to myself this year?


How do you know when your are centered? I invite you to get creative and one way is to begin by writing a gratitude list. You can also get creative and make a gratitude collage with images cut from magazines that reflect all that you are grateful this year. You might also want to create a centering collage or mandala that reflects calm in your life. Fill it with images that relax you and provide a sense of peace for you. Hang it some place in your home or office so you will be reminded of its power. See my other posts for information on how to create mandalas. 


No matter where you find centering, stay in the here and now...not in the past and not in the future, there you will only find anxiety. If you stay in the moment, may calm and centering be with you.