Why Do We Suffer?

Recently, I was listening to a talk show on the radio, at least, I think it was on the radio, and they were talking about "Why we choose to suffer." I took notes on the talk and if I remember who I was listening to, I will add it to my blog. But, for now, I do want to write about the idea of suffering since many people seek out therapy to end suffering.  For instance, a relationship is causing you pain, a job turns out to be a disappointment, you feel stuck and unhappy with your life or some other experience is causing you to suffer. In life, we want to avoid suffering and pain and we want to embrace pleasure and happiness...no doubt about it, if you had to choose, most likely it would be the pleasure chest! So, is suffering a choice we make, just like sadness, anger, frustration, joy, etc., or is it an unavoidable experience of being human?

Lets say, suffering is unavoidable, then what?  Well here's where the talk got interesting. What can we learn about ourselves during times of suffering? It is a perfect time to learn to have compassion for ourselves, especially for people who have a difficult time being kind and gentle t with themselves. Suffering can have us feeling incredibly alone and aloneness triggers all kinds of feelings for most people. I'm a big believer in the idea of curiosity....being curious about ourselves, our reactions, our triggers and our feelings can lead us down a road to a greater sense of awareness about ourselves. What would happen if you actually sat with suffering as though it were something you could hold in your hands? OK, so here is where the creativity comes in.  Imagine when you are in a place of suffering that you are holding it in your hands, looking at it, feeling it, and smelling it. What color is it? What shape, texture, size, smell and other characteristic does it take on? If you drew it, how much of the page would it take up? Would it be jagged, smooth, or sharp? You might also explore where in your body you experience your suffering? Get to know your suffering? What triggers it? Loss might be one instigator. Move close to your suffering. Take care of it. Get to know it, respect it and have compassion for it. This way, when it does surface, you do not have to fear it or allow it to scare you; you can be with it and walk beside it.

Until next time...

The ArT of Journaling - Rant and Rave to Your Heart's Content!

So, someone gave you a brand new leather bound, or simple journal as a gift, and you're not sure what to do with it or where to begin. Chances are, it might still be sitting on your dining room table or nightstand just waiting to be embellished with your thoughts and feelings. Or, maybe you stare onto the blank pages uncertain of what to write, draw or what warrants a journal entry. I'm here to help.

Here we go...You can write whatever you want in your journal as long as you have a safe place to keep it where family members or room mates won't pry into your sacred psyche.  You can also draw, collage, paint and glue things such as movie tickets, a dried flower, horoscope or anything that holds significance for you. A journal is your personal, creative playground that does not adhere to any guidelines or rules.  Journals are a creative tool to get to know yourself better and to develop deeper clarity of your thoughts and feelings as they are reflected back to you.

I have been journaling for years. My mother kept a journal and used it as a recount of the days activities and her thoughts. My entries are much more personal than my mother's, including my disappointments, my accomplishments, and my attempt to de-tangle my musings, which at times have me confused and in need of some clarity. I also glue poems that touch me, horoscopes that act as guides to my clairvoyant side, and I draw out my dilemmas and feelings.

It doesn't matter what time of day you journal: morning, noon, or night.  If you find staring at a blank page intimidating, I suggest you begin with an opening line that helps get you going, such as, Today I... Or, Here I am, once again, not knowing what to write in my journal, but, if I were to choose one thing that mattered to me today, it would be... I believe journals are meant to be a sounding board for us to share and express aspects of our lives that we may or may not want to share with others. A safe place where censoring is optional; grammar and spelling are optional. And, freedom to be yourself is recommended!

So, go find that new journal, curl up in your favorite spot, pour yourself your favorite beverage, open to the first delicious page and brag, boast, cry, reflect, brainstorm, and rant away!

Peace,
Victoria

Creative Kick!

I had a long conversation with an old friend today about making changes in ones life. About how we can become stagnant, unhappy, numb and overwhelmed by where we are in our lives. I made some significant changes in my life about 10 years ago, including going back to school and completing my BA and MA degrees. These endeavors lead me to a new career as an art therapist and psychotherapist. I have to say, I am quite happy in my newly-designed life.  But, it was not just external changes that took place, it was with much introspection and change in perspectives that has me feeling great about my life.  So, here are some questions I'd like you to ponder and visually play with by using collage, journal writing, or any other creative medium you wish. After you read the question, answer it authentically and see where it takes you.
What you will need to do this exercise: magazine cut-outs, glue stick, scissors, blank paper or journal.
Question 1: What are you passionate about?  Choose images that answer this question. Then reflect on whether you are getting enough of this in your life.


Question 2. What in my life do I need to let go of to move forward?
Question 3: What in my life do I need to nurture?
Question 4. If I'm single, have I created a life I enjoy?
Question 5: Can I be alone with myself?


If you answer these questions with collage, you can expand on the exercise by writing about the process and experience after you are finished. And, if you begin the exercise with writing, see what happens when you turn the writing into a collage.


Once you have completed the exercise, use it as a guide to bring things into your life and to let go of the things that no longer work for you.
Enjoy the process!

WHAT KEEPS YOU CENTERED?

I had a flash of gratitude today while I was standing outside the Honey Baked Ham store amidst the crowd of  focused shoppers. As I stood there, waiting for my friend to finish her shopping, I realized how fortunate I am and all I have to be thankful for in 2011. Let me just say, I've had years where it has felt like like I had all I could do to keeping my head above water.  But this year, I got to the finishing line of  being a licensed marriage and family therapist. That in and of its self has me grateful ten times over.  Writing a list of what one is grateful for is definitely an inspiring activity and a reminder of what gifts you've received throughout the last 12 months. And, I recommend everyone do it as a centering activity. Even if you are going through one of your more challenging of years, find one thing that you feel grateful for.  Anyway, this is not a posting about all that I have to be thankful for, though I could easily write many pages on this  subject, I want to help you gear up for the days and nights ahead by finding a practice that has you centered.  I want to suggest ways in which you can keep your wits about you, experience peace amongst the insanity, discover love in unlikely places, and most of all, trust in yourself when you might be swayed to doubt.

So, where do you find centering?  Do you have a meditation practice? Do you have a creative outlet? Do you make tine to walk in nature? When was the last time you went outside and counted the many different species of birds you saw? When was the last time you allowed yourself space to draw or paint a mandala?  Are there books you've been wanting to read?  If you are reading this and wondering just how and when you are going to fit any of this into your busy schedule, have you thought about asking your family to give you the gift of time this year? Do you trust someone else to take over while you take a break? Or do you feel you are the only one to keep the household functioning? I invite you take care of yourself this holiday and ask for what you need. Dear Santa, may I please have 12 hours once a week, once a month, or (you fill in the blank) to myself this year?


How do you know when your are centered? I invite you to get creative and one way is to begin by writing a gratitude list. You can also get creative and make a gratitude collage with images cut from magazines that reflect all that you are grateful this year. You might also want to create a centering collage or mandala that reflects calm in your life. Fill it with images that relax you and provide a sense of peace for you. Hang it some place in your home or office so you will be reminded of its power. See my other posts for information on how to create mandalas. 


No matter where you find centering, stay in the here and now...not in the past and not in the future, there you will only find anxiety. If you stay in the moment, may calm and centering be with you.

The holidays are coming, the holidays are coming...

Collage Greeting Card

 It begins in November and December, those months where we can be swept away by expectations, spending and mood shifts that can occur  as often as the temperatures outside change.  Mood shifts can come over us like a dark cloud from out of nowhere. Nothing drastic happened, just suddenly, there we are, overcome with sadness, holiday blues, anxiety or some other state that has cast its spell on us. My intention here is to let you know it is not unusual to feel this way during this time of year. The dark days of winter are upon us along with the craziness of the holidays.

OK, so what can you do to make it through to the other side of the new year?  Here are a few tips I've learned along the way about getting through the holidays with my spirit intact.

• Plan ahead - have some creative projects in line to work on to focus your attention. Collage, draw, or paint MANDALAS.
• Journal - give yourself the gift of a beautiful journal
• We can learn a lot about ourselves in the dark days as well as light. Be curious about your moods and write about them. Let the page hold them.
• Move your body - walk, take a yoga class, offer to walk dogs at a shelter.
• Volunteer
• Reach out to friends
• Read 
• If aloneness triggers feelings, don't push them away, be with the feelings and realize they are coming up to be healed not ignored.
• Feelings pass
• Reach out to friends
• Make your holiday cards using collage or some other creative tool.
• Attend a spiritual celebration

Collage Mandala

So, here you have a few tips and tools to help you manage the possible emotional effects the holidays can bring on. I think we forget that we can use this time creatively. To explore creative practices that during the rest of the year, we might not have time for. Think outside the box.
These do not have to be the dark emotional days, but rather, the awakening days of the spirit and creative energy that resides inside of us.

Peace,
Victoria

Balancing Act - keeping the left and right hemispheres in check

In case you didn't know, we actually have more than one brain.  For the sake of this posting, I'm only going to talk about the left and right sides of our brains called hemiespheres. You've probably heard people refer to left-handed people as being more artistic, because being left-handed triggers a right-brain response. Our emotions reside in the right hemisphere of the brain along with our creative nature in an area called the amygdala. This is where our emotions live not our thoughts. Our thought command center is located in our left brain.  Over there in left-field is where we make lists, think projects through, balance our check books, etc.


One of the things I talk to clients about is learning to live in a more balanced state where one side of the brain is not dominating the other unless of course you are doing a math problem and there really is no need for the emotions to step in. If we live primarily in our right brains, we are ruled by our emotions and if we live in our thinking-left brains, we are disconnected from our feelings and emotions. I hear many people say, "I don't know what I'm feeling." This is usually an example of someone who lives in their left brain and can be totally unaware that our thoughts affect our feelings. A thought is usually what takes up to a feeling state. For example, lets say, you find out you failed a test. A first thought might be, "I'm stupid," which might trigger a feeling of sadness. But, if you fail the test and think, "next time, I'm going to study harder, ask for help and work on my anxiety," you will most likely feel, an sense of empowerment rather than sadness.

As your day skips along, be aware of where you are. If you are doing an artistic project, are you judging it? Critical of it? Or, are you allowing the process to happen. If you are doing something creative that needs to be a certain way, be aware of how you are talking to yourself. You can get to a product or end result without self-criticism. Try getting there with support and kindness from your right brain.  Same goes with if you are doing something that requires thinking. Are you balancing your check book and allowing your right brain to step in and become sad because you have no money in your account OR, are you being gentle with yourself and THINKING of ways to get back on track with your money management?

Take a little time out of each day and be aware of where you've been spending your time: have I been completely in my right brain or left? Have I made room for balance. If you work in a thinking field such as accounting, have you maybe done some mindfulness or doodling to give your right brain a rest? If not, give it a try...your hemispheres will thank you!

Artsy-Fartsy Play Time for Adults

Are you tired of kids having all the fun and having to sit back and watch? Join us Sunday, November 14th, from 2-5pm for some artsy fun. What began as a mandala workshop, which it still is, is also a time and place to let your hair down, get the crayons, colored pencils and collage materials out, and have a blast. A place where your imagination can soar and you can relax into the process of art-making.
Creativity provides a vehicle for your soul to speak, your left brain time to rest and your right brain space to dance. Whether you consider yourself artistic or not, this is a place for you to have fun, explore and not be concerned with "shoulds" or "musts." It is a place to play.
Using various art materials, step into the cirlce of creativity and see what happends. For those who do not have a creative outlet, this might be just what your heart desires.

For more information, please contact me at 310-922-3957.

Finding art all around us

As I was driving home yesterday from Hollywood, where I'm a counselor at the Do it Now Foundation, I spied this amazing rainbow dashing through the sky. After a few days of extreme heat, the sky darkened and between clouds and buildings, this rainbow appeared. I had to grab my Blackberry and snap away. Rainbows are, I believe, natures ability to be artist. Children draw rainbows at a very young age and they seem to instantly communicate a sense of happiness to those who witness them. They are referred in music, poetry, children's lit and more as a place where joy resides and when you get to the end of them...somewhere over the rainbow; a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.

Rainbows appear when the sun shines into droplets of water. I happen to think that they are one of the most beautiful phenomenons in nature along with blazing orange, pink and red sunsets. So grab some pastels, colored pencils, paint and create your own personal sunset.

Energy-Zappers: finding a creative approach

Are you surrounded by energy-zappers in your life? People who have constant drama and chaos in their lives and have little time to hear your story? People who monopolize the conversation with their tales of drama and never ask what is happening in your life? What does this have to do with creativity you might ask? I'm asking myself that question too. Lets see how the two can come together...

First, lets define what an energy-zapper is:

• Someone who has constant chaos in their lives


• Someone who thrives on chaos in their lives


• Someone who has the ability to pull you into their chaos


• Someone who during the conversation does not ask about your life


• Someone who leaves you wondering, what just happened?

If you recognize any of these situations happening in your relationships, you are most likely experiencing the art of the energy-zapper's ability to drain your energy

Now what?

Here is what I'm learning to do:

• Distance myself from energy-zappers and limit my phone conversations and personal contact with them.
  
• I've identified who the energy-zappers are in my life.


• I choose when to talk to them and when not.


• I create clear boundaries with them, such as..."I need to go now."

How can I turn this into a creative exercise?

1. Create a collage that represents energy-zappers: choose images that correspond to how you feel when you have a conversation with an energy-zapper and recognize the impact they have on your well-being. See collage at the top of this post.

2. To regain a sense of calm after having an energy-zapping conversation, create a calm and relaxing mandala that reflects a release of anxiety.

After creating your calming mandala, spend some time with it. Maybe ask it a question such as, How can I regain the energy I just lost by listening to an energy-zapper? What is it that I need right now? How can I take care of myself the next time I encounter an energy-zapper? Questions like these can help you get back on track, so you do not spend the rest of the day feeling drained or resentful.

Another suggestion is, before engaging in an energy-zapper conversation, let the person know you only have so much time to speak with them before you have to go. You also might decide, that this is a time in your life when you do not have any space for energy-zappers and that is OK too. Limit conversations or let others know you are exhausted and need time to yourself.

REMEMBER---you can always turn to your journal to write or draw about the feelings you are experiencing. This is your safe place.

Painting Self Portraits

I recently attended a workshop at the Ford Theatre in Los Angeles in memory to Frida Kahlo, one of my favorite and admired painters. Know for her detailed and vibrant self portraits, part of the evening was going to be spent exploring self portraits. What I thought was going to be a film and dance event, became an amazing experience in painting our self portrait. The out door theatre was turned into an art studio with the stage being lined with brown paper, acrylic paints and mirrors. Two professional painters were there to guide us. But other then some technique tips here and there, we were on our own. I began with an outline of my face and then attempted to to fill in the oval. It is challenging doing a self portrait with one size brush, but luckily we could paint over and over our brown paper until we got the image that we liked. I could feel my inner critic speak loudly as I tried over and over to get the image I wanted and feeling little control over the paint and my brush. As soon as I was able to let go of any expectations and just let the brush have fun, my self criticism silenced some what. My friends who came with me had a great time and the portraits that came out of the experience were fantastic. It was a beautiful experience and I learned to allow my self portrait to be more of a reflection of how I am rather than a perfect image of my features.

Making your way through the holidays with creativity

They're back...arriving each year without failure at the same time. They leap upon us like a tiger leaping on its pray. And you know that before you even digest your Thanksgiving meal you're thrust into the holiday madness. With this madness comes spending, giving, receiving, colds, expectations, sugar, stress, invites, aloneness, pressure and the list goes on. It's difficult to not get caught up in the change of energy the holidays bring. Every year, I try to take a step back and just observe, but at some point, usually the day before Christmas, the guild sets in and I dash to the closest shopping center to pick a few gifts up. Each year, I write in my journal that this year is going to be different. I will give from my heart; I will give of my time; I will give only if I wish to. I'm even feeling this way as I write in my blog. The question always becomes to give or not to give? But this piece is not about whether to give or not to give, it is about taking care of yourself artfully during the holidays. It is about if you feel the holiday blues beginning to sneak in, how can you care for yourself during the dark periods that can emerge like a winter chill. As I like to say, when in doubt, create! For me that means, draw, knit, write, bake, work in my garden, make my holiday cards, journal, rearrange my home, expose myself to creativity around the city and finally, to read. I read and I discover ideas. For each of us our creativity is a personal process. It is something that sparks your soul. Something that is a reflection of you. It does not have to be about perfection unless maybe you are painting your home, and even then a little mistake here and then will not be noticed.

So what is it for you that is the voice of your soul? What is that makes you feel alive? Without worrying about being good at it, what is it you would like to try? Make a creativity wish list and don't worry if you've been naught or nice, just go for it. Ask the critics to leave the room and toss the "shoulds" out the window and allow yourself to play. A walk around Micheal's craft store is sure to spark some ideas. Buy a canvas and some paints and explore. Create a mandala. Walk around your neighborhood and take some photos. Take some magazines and cut out images and make a vision collage of what you wish for in 2010. Make an altered book. Check out a knitting store. If you are interested in support or more ideas, please write me at sealoverv@aol.com. Most of all, have fun and allow mistakes, if there are such a thing