SNAP OUT OF IT.....

Have you ever stopped and noticed how you speak to yourself when no one is around? A good example is when you look in the mirror the first thing in the morning. Or, when you get a grade that is lower than what you expected.  Does it go something like this: You idiot! I can't do anything right! Figures. I'm so stupid, I'll never amount to anything! No one will ever love me.  It's called our internal critic or tape that keeps you stuck in a place of self-doubt.  Most often, it is the internalized voice of someone you grew up with such as a parent, care-giver, teacher or sibling.  When I say, internalized, I mean you have taken the message in as truth and replay it in your head, but, it does not originate from you! It is someone elses' belief system. That is important to remember and take note of. We all have some amount of the internal critic inside of us.  Sometimes it pushes us to be better, but mostly, it's there to keep you feeling bad about yourself.  When the critic is nonstop and keeps you continually doubting yourself rather than trusting yourself, it's time to SNAP OUT OF IT! 

One way I work with clients is by helping them to acknowledge and bring their awareness to this critical voice. One example is by challenging it's messages that repeat continually throughout the day and night.  Awareness of the critic is the first step to changing the dialogue you have with yourself.  Noticing when it surfaces and when it is the strongest is important to confronting it.  Here are some tips on how to stop the power of the internal critic:

1. Take note of the voice you use with yourself.

2. Is it doubting and critical?

3. How does it make you feel about yourself?

4. Are there any benefits to using this voice with yourself?

5. Is it kind and loving?

6. Use the opposite, i.e., No one loves me change to I am loved.

Once you've identified the voice, try challenging it. What I mean is, if it says I'm stupid, ask it how it knows. Respond by saying something like, I'm not stupid.  It takes practice to change a voice that has been around for a long time. I also recommend you make a list of the beliefs and messages your critical voice says to you and then write the opposite. It will take daily practice and commitment to changing the internal critic to one of doubt to trust.
Hang in there!

What is Psychotherapy? And, Why go to a Therapist?

I am a supporter, believer and provider of psychotherapy....not because I am a licensed psychotherapist, but because I know first-hand how therapy can guide and help people through life's challenges.  I use the metaphor of the ocean to explain how life is not always a journey of calm seas--there are swells, storms, rip tides, sea creatures, and unexpected shifts in the tides. along the way. These conditions are difficult to bypass when traveling the sea of life.  What is different about being out in the ocean is that in our lives we are not given an instruction manual to direct us through life's turbulent waters.  If we seek advice from friends and family members, we will get different solutions to one problem. We are given friends, families, and other significant relationships to hopefully comfort us,  but many times we need someone to just listen, someone who won't place judgement on us, interrupt us with their personal stories, and who will not discuss our private thoughts and feelings with others. That is how therapy is different. It provides a safe place to share thoughts and feelings without fear that what we say will be gossiped about, and we are being listened to by a trained clinician who can identify behavior patterns and give us tools to manage sabotaging thoughts.

There continues to be a stigma attached to seeing a therapist.  There are many who still believe that only "crazy" people seek psychotherapy and that talking about feelings is for the weak among us. This could not be further from the truth.  For instance, why would you want to live your life continuing to repeat the same mistakes, engage in unhealthy relationships or live a life of mistrust of yourself and those around you? Wouldn't it be easier to learn methods and tools to manage self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors? Wouldn't life be more enjoyable if you only knew how to control and manage depression, anxiety, anger and behaviors that create chaos in your life?

Learning tools to manage anxiety and depression can mean the difference between living a life of pain and unhappiness instead of feeling in control and trusting ones self. Learning methods to alter the self-defeating internal dialogue is one way to begin the process. How we speak to ourselves when no one is around keeps us doubting ourselves and that effects our relationships, work, and mood.

So,why would you consider seeing a psychotherapist? Some people choose to go to therapy because of a life-altering experience: they lose their job; their marriage falls apart;  they experience a death of a friend or family member; they experience a trauma or near death experience; they suffer a serious health challenge.  Then their are individuals who seek out therapy to develop greater self-awareness and grow as human-beings.  There might not be one specific issue they come into therapy hoping to resolve, but they want to understand themselves better. So you see, therapy is for those among us who want to develop a personal manual to aid them and guide them through the ebbs of a flows of the sea of life.

Next post I will write more about a few of different types of psychotherapy that are out there.

Be well in body, mind and spirit!