Wednesday, August 1, 2012

KINDNESS PLEDGE

Today, ________________, I _____________________promise to speak to myself with kindness, trust, acceptance and unconditional love.  I realize the healthiest relationship I can have is with myself. I refuse to beat myself up or doubt myself.  I will move through the day and night with the knowledge that I am whole and complete and where I am supposed to be. I will stay in the moment.  I will not compare myself to others or "should" on myself. If something is not working in my life, I will take steps to make changes and ask for help. My internal dialogue will be supportive and loving. I will not criticize or put myself down under any condition. I will love myself as if I were my own child.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Feeling Stressed - Create a Mandala


Here is a recent mandala I created using colored pencils.  Creating a mandala when we feel anxious, overwhelmed or in the mood to free ourselves of tension and stress can be a revealing and healing experience.  If you need to center yourself, regain a sense of calm or just need a space to let it out, a mandala might be just what the doctor ordered.

All you really need are colored pencils, pastels, markers or any other medium you like.  Any size paper will do and something to trace a circle with. Again, the size of the circle is up to you. You can even use your journal! Sometimes staring at a blank piece of paper can be intimidating, so I suggestion, after you draw your circle, stare at the circle for a few minutes.  You might want to imagine you are walking around inside the circle before you begin drawing. Breathe and place the pencil anywhere in the circle you wish. You might want to ask the mandala if it has any information for you. Or, if you are struggling with a dilemma in your life, ask for guidance. There is no right or wrong way to create a freestyle mandala other then allowing your true self to speak. You can stay inside the circle and/or draw outside the circle.

Try not to judge, or aim for perfection. Tape into your beginners mind and playful spirit and have fun! Remember, it is about the process and not the product that is so important to this experience.

Monday, June 18, 2012

THE MANY SHADES OF MY HEART

Have you ever thought about drawing an image of your heart? Not the biology of your heart, but the emotions it holds, the energy it produces, the feelings it has? For instance, how does your heart feel today? Is it feeling light and free-spirited, or is there something else going on? Does it feel heavy with grief? Confused? Frustrated? Angry?

If you had to choose a color to represent how your heart feels today, what color would you choose? Is the image soft-edged or, jagged? Does it feel small and maybe frightened? or open and alive with joy?


The above image is one I did some years back. It is mixed media including collage and pastels.  I was feeling a variety of emotions,  and my heart felt contained and whole. This was a relaxing project, because I worked within the image of my heart. It was fun and provided me an outlet to express how I was feeling that particular day.

Exercise:
Pick a medium you would like to work with such as colored pencils, pastels, markers or anything that you are drawn to today.
Close your eyes and begin to tap into your feelings.
Bring your attention to your heart.
Breathe in and out.
Does a color come to mind?
Does a a size emerge?
Once you have identified a color and size, open your eyes and draw an image of a heart on a piece of paper. You can also do this if you have not identified a color or size and begin filling in the heart with whatever color you are drawn to.
Begin filling in the heart image with the color or colors that came to mind.

I suggest doing this exercise in your journal and create a heart image daily to track your feelings. You will begin to learn the many shades your heart reveals.
Most of all, have fun and allow your heart to speak!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Try A Little Bit Of Kindness!

Leave your critic at the door, I once heard a writing instructor say. I love that idea. For most of us, our critics and/or judges are alive and well. They keep us in a place of self-doubt and many times support a core belief we have about ourselves.  For instance, a belief that we are not good enough, that we are unlovable, that we are not smart, etc. I had a client do a collage once of her internal critic. Her collage ended up being an entire committee that each reacted differently to her depending on what the issue was she was dealing with. For instance, there was an image of "there you go again making another mistake," in other words, the voice of shame. There was the image of imperfection, the doubting Thomas, the list went on and on. Some of the images, she realized, only came to light because of doing the collage. 


I really encourage clients to listen to how they speak to themselves. It is amazing how we are programmed from a young age to relate to ourselves.  Very rarely to do we use a loving supportive voice with ourselves. We choose instead to beat ourselves up any chance we get. We doubt ourselves, we look for imperfections, if there are such things, we dwell on what we view as our faults rather than our amazing abilities and strengths.


The next time you find yourself choosing to beat yourself up or doubt yourself, STOP.  You might have to actually say that to yourself...STOP. Really listen to this voice. Try to grasp an image of this voice and if you wish, put it down on paper anyway you wish.  Give it a name. Be curious about this voice and know that at one point in your life it might have served a purpose. Maybe as a kid when you were being criticized, it kept you agreeing rather than disagreeing with the instigator thereby avoiding conflict. AND, know that you now have a choice about how you speak and relate to yourself? You do not have to buy into its criticism!


Try a little bit of kindness!
Peace

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

SNAP OUT OF IT.....

Have you ever stopped and noticed how you speak to yourself when no one is around? A good example is when you look in the mirror the first thing in the morning. Or, when you get a grade that is lower than what you expected.  Does it go something like this: You idiot! I can't do anything right! Figures. I'm so stupid, I'll never amount to anything! No one will ever love me.  It's called our internal critic or tape that keeps you stuck in a place of self-doubt.  Most often, it is the internalized voice of someone you grew up with such as a parent, care-giver, teacher or sibling.  When I say, internalized, I mean you have taken the message in as truth and replay it in your head, but, it does not originate from you! It is someone elses' belief system. That is important to remember and take note of. We all have some amount of the internal critic inside of us.  Sometimes it pushes us to be better, but mostly, it's there to keep you feeling bad about yourself.  When the critic is nonstop and keeps you continually doubting yourself rather than trusting yourself, it's time to SNAP OUT OF IT! 

One way I work with clients is by helping them to acknowledge and bring their awareness to this critical voice. One example is by challenging it's messages that repeat continually throughout the day and night.  Awareness of the critic is the first step to changing the dialogue you have with yourself.  Noticing when it surfaces and when it is the strongest is important to confronting it.  Here are some tips on how to stop the power of the internal critic:

1. Take note of the voice you use with yourself.

2. Is it doubting and critical?

3. How does it make you feel about yourself?

4. Are there any benefits to using this voice with yourself?

5. Is it kind and loving?


6. Use the opposite, i.e., No one loves me change to I am loved.

Once you've identified the voice, try challenging it. What I mean is, if it says I'm stupid, ask it how it knows. Respond by saying something like, I'm not stupid.  It takes practice to change a voice that has been around for a long time. I also recommend you make a list of the beliefs and messages your critical voice says to you and then write the opposite. It will take daily practice and commitment to changing the internal critic to one of doubt to trust.
Hang in there!