Wednesday, April 11, 2012

What is Psychotherapy? And, Why go to a Therapist?

I am a supporter, believer and provider of psychotherapy....not because I am a licensed psychotherapist, but because I know first-hand how therapy can guide and help people through life's challenges.  I use the metaphor of the ocean to explain how life is not always a journey of calm seas--there are swells, storms, rip tides, sea creatures, and unexpected shifts in the tides. along the way. These conditions are difficult to bypass when traveling the sea of life.  What is different about being out in the ocean is that in our lives we are not given an instruction manual to direct us through life's turbulent waters.  If we seek advice from friends and family members, we will get different solutions to one problem. We are given friends, families, and other significant relationships to hopefully comfort us,  but many times we need someone to just listen, someone who won't place judgement on us, interrupt us with their personal stories, and who will not discuss our private thoughts and feelings with others. That is how therapy is different. It provides a safe place to share thoughts and feelings without fear that what we say will be gossiped about, and we are being listened to by a trained clinician who can identify behavior patterns and give us tools to manage sabotaging thoughts.

There continues to be a stigma attached to seeing a therapist.  There are many who still believe that only "crazy" people seek psychotherapy and that talking about feelings is for the weak among us. This could not be further from the truth.  For instance, why would you want to live your life continuing to repeat the same mistakes, engage in unhealthy relationships or live a life of mistrust of yourself and those around you? Wouldn't it be easier to learn methods and tools to manage self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors? Wouldn't life be more enjoyable if you only knew how to control and manage depression, anxiety, anger and behaviors that create chaos in your life?

Learning tools to manage anxiety and depression can mean the difference between living a life of pain and unhappiness instead of feeling in control and trusting ones self. Learning methods to alter the self-defeating internal dialogue is one way to begin the process. How we speak to ourselves when no one is around keeps us doubting ourselves and that effects our relationships, work, and mood.

So,why would you consider seeing a psychotherapist? Some people choose to go to therapy because of a life-altering experience: they lose their job; their marriage falls apart;  they experience a death of a friend or family member; they experience a trauma or near death experience; they suffer a serious health challenge.  Then their are individuals who seek out therapy to develop greater self-awareness and grow as human-beings.  There might not be one specific issue they come into therapy hoping to resolve, but they want to understand themselves better. So you see, therapy is for those among us who want to develop a personal manual to aid them and guide them through the ebbs of a flows of the sea of life.

Next post I will write more about a few of different types of psychotherapy that are out there.

Be well in body, mind and spirit!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Changing Face - moving freely through the years

Why do we, especially women, attach so much meaning and value to how we look?  Why for many, is our self-confidence connected to how we feel about our physical appearance and why do we fear the changes our bodies undergo? I'm not talking about declining health as we age or being struck with a health condition as we age, but why do we fear the wrinkles, the gray hairs, and the other physical changes that are a natural process of aging? One way to move through the aging process is with creativity.  Is there a way to use art to build a healthy relationship with our changing appearances? In the UK, a group called "Look at Me," invited women to take part in an art therapy group to support women and help them gain insight and develop a healthy outlook on their changing appearances. Here is a link to the youtube video of this process: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnMfQLiVu3w&feature=player_embedded#!

Recently, a friend of mine shared that she is very upset about turning 40 soon. Her white hairs are a sign midlife is just around the corner.  She pulls the white hairs out to extinguish the reminders of her aging body.  I suggested, she might want to save some of the white hairs she pulls, and glue them to black paper and dialogue with them. Give the white hairs a voice and allow them to speak back to the voice that is so fearful of aging. If you prefer, draw an image of the white/gray hairs on a black piece of paper and do the same exercise. Get to know the white hair; be curious about your changing hairs that are sprouting among the black, brown, blond, and/or red field. What do these new hairs represent to you? My friend sees them as representing a "dead end;" An indication that time is running out and it's all down hill from here.

She is not alone. Our society places much more value on the young than the old or, for that matter, the middle-aged. Young is good...old is bad. That is why so many women undergo cosmetic surgery and Botox.

Here is another exercise to try.
Use any drawing material you have and on a piece of plan paper, color or white, on the left side of the paper draw an image, as best you can, this is not an art class, of yourself with a young face.  You can also collage this exercise. Make it as simple or abstract as you wish. Now, along side that image, create an image of yourself at the age you are now....an image of how you experience yourself at your current age. What changes? What remains the same? Notice the feelings that come up. Notice if you talk to or experience yourself differently. I would also suggest you write in your journal about any feelings or thoughts you have. If you find you are being judgmental or critical of yourself, I want you to try and use a loving and kind voice with yourself. Practice that new voice daily and see what happens. If that loving voice is a challenge, try being neutral - not rejecting or embracing...stay in the middle where no judgement takes place.

You are always welcome to write me about any questions or experiences you have. I will write more about this subject in posts to come.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Why Do We Suffer?

Recently, I was listening to a talk show on the radio, at least, I think it was on the radio, and they were talking about "Why we choose to suffer." I took notes on the talk and if I remember who I was listening to, I will add it to my blog. But, for now, I do want to write about the idea of suffering since many people seek out therapy to end suffering.  For instance, a relationship is causing you pain, a job turns out to be a disappointment, you feel stuck and unhappy with your life or some other experience is causing you to suffer. In life, we want to avoid suffering and pain and we want to embrace pleasure and happiness...no doubt about it, if you had to choose, most likely it would be the pleasure chest! So, is suffering a choice we make, just like sadness, anger, frustration, joy, etc., or is it an unavoidable experience of being human?

Lets say, suffering is unavoidable, then what?  Well here's where the talk got interesting. What can we learn about ourselves during times of suffering? It is a perfect time to learn to have compassion for ourselves, especially for people who have a difficult time being kind and gentle t with themselves. Suffering can have us feeling incredibly alone and aloneness triggers all kinds of feelings for most people. I'm a big believer in the idea of curiosity....being curious about ourselves, our reactions, our triggers and our feelings can lead us down a road to a greater sense of awareness about ourselves. What would happen if you actually sat with suffering as though it were something you could hold in your hands? OK, so here is where the creativity comes in.  Imagine when you are in a place of suffering that you are holding it in your hands, looking at it, feeling it, and smelling it. What color is it? What shape, texture, size, smell and other characteristic does it take on? If you drew it, how much of the page would it take up? Would it be jagged, smooth, or sharp? You might also explore where in your body you experience your suffering? Get to know your suffering? What triggers it? Loss might be one instigator. Move close to your suffering. Take care of it. Get to know it, respect it and have compassion for it. This way, when it does surface, you do not have to fear it or allow it to scare you; you can be with it and walk beside it.

Until next time...