Friday, February 17, 2012

Why Do We Suffer?

Recently, I was listening to a talk show on the radio, at least, I think it was on the radio, and they were talking about "Why we choose to suffer." I took notes on the talk and if I remember who I was listening to, I will add it to my blog. But, for now, I do want to write about the idea of suffering since many people seek out therapy to end suffering.  For instance, a relationship is causing you pain, a job turns out to be a disappointment, you feel stuck and unhappy with your life or some other experience is causing you to suffer. In life, we want to avoid suffering and pain and we want to embrace pleasure and happiness...no doubt about it, if you had to choose, most likely it would be the pleasure chest! So, is suffering a choice we make, just like sadness, anger, frustration, joy, etc., or is it an unavoidable experience of being human?

Lets say, suffering is unavoidable, then what?  Well here's where the talk got interesting. What can we learn about ourselves during times of suffering? It is a perfect time to learn to have compassion for ourselves, especially for people who have a difficult time being kind and gentle t with themselves. Suffering can have us feeling incredibly alone and aloneness triggers all kinds of feelings for most people. I'm a big believer in the idea of curiosity....being curious about ourselves, our reactions, our triggers and our feelings can lead us down a road to a greater sense of awareness about ourselves. What would happen if you actually sat with suffering as though it were something you could hold in your hands? OK, so here is where the creativity comes in.  Imagine when you are in a place of suffering that you are holding it in your hands, looking at it, feeling it, and smelling it. What color is it? What shape, texture, size, smell and other characteristic does it take on? If you drew it, how much of the page would it take up? Would it be jagged, smooth, or sharp? You might also explore where in your body you experience your suffering? Get to know your suffering? What triggers it? Loss might be one instigator. Move close to your suffering. Take care of it. Get to know it, respect it and have compassion for it. This way, when it does surface, you do not have to fear it or allow it to scare you; you can be with it and walk beside it.

Until next time...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The ArT of Journaling - Rant and Rave to Your Heart's Content!


So, someone gave you a brand new leather bound, or simple journal as a gift, and you're not sure what to do with it or where to begin. Chances are, it might still be sitting on your dining room table or nightstand just waiting to be embellished with your thoughts and feelings. Or, maybe you stare onto the blank pages uncertain of what to write, draw or what warrants a journal entry. I'm here to help.

Here we go...You can write whatever you want in your journal as long as you have a safe place to keep it where family members or room mates won't pry into your sacred psyche.  You can also draw, collage, paint and glue things such as movie tickets, a dried flower, horoscope or anything that holds significance for you. A journal is your personal, creative playground that does not adhere to any guidelines or rules.  Journals are a creative tool to get to know yourself better and to develop deeper clarity of your thoughts and feelings as they are reflected back to you.

I have been journaling for years. My mother kept a journal and used it as a recount of the days activities and her thoughts. My entries are much more personal than my mother's, including my disappointments, my accomplishments, and my attempt to de-tangle my musings, which at times have me confused and in need of some clarity. I also glue poems that touch me, horoscopes that act as guides to my clairvoyant side, and I draw out my dilemmas and feelings.

It doesn't matter what time of day you journal: morning, noon, or night.  If you find staring at a blank page intimidating, I suggest you begin with an opening line that helps get you going, such as, Today I... Or, Here I am, once again, not knowing what to write in my journal, but, if I were to choose one thing that mattered to me today, it would be... I believe journals are meant to be a sounding board for us to share and express aspects of our lives that we may or may not want to share with others. A safe place where censoring is optional; grammar and spelling are optional. And, freedom to be yourself is recommended!

So, go find that new journal, curl up in your favorite spot, pour yourself your favorite beverage, open to the first delicious page and brag, boast, cry, reflect, brainstorm, and rant away!

Peace,
Victoria



Wednesday, January 11, 2012

VISION BOARDs - YOUR PERSONAL ROADMAP FOR 2012

During the first few weeks of the New Year, we are inundated with news of dieting offers, gym bargains, car deals and for those among us who are self-growth-ers....VISION BOARDS.  I happen to love vision boards and have made many of them over the years usually using collage. I don't always wait for a new year to make one; you can create a vision board anytime during the year but, the New Year does provide an official starting point to map out your intentions, wishes, expectations of the year ahead and create a visual reminder of your personal landscape dreams.  Basically, you are sending yourself and the universe a snapshot of what you would like to bring into your life for the coming year. They're easy, fun, creative, focused, and simple to make.
What do you need? Very simple:
  • Quiet moment alone or with a friend.
  • Light a candle
  • Add calming music if you wish
  • And make your favorite drink....
  • Collage magazine cut-out images or photos
  • Glue Sticks
  • Scissors
  • Heavy paper or a board
Choose images that reflect the changes, letting go-of's, wishes, and vision you have for your life for the year. In other words, what you would like to manifest in your life.  You can choose to have a theme, such as LOVE, career, relationships, health,  etc. Or, you can combine them for one big intention. You can tear or cut your images and clue them to the paper or board.  Overlapping, separating or any other unique method you choose. You can make your vision board as big or small as you wish. You can also cut out says to add and if you wish, use colored pencils or pastels or markers to color in the blank space...totally optional.  Hang your vision board somewhere where you will be reminded of your vision and reflect on it daily, weekly, monthly, however often you wish. You can also add journal entries about your vision board and how your New Year's intentions are manifesting.

Most of all....have fun!
Peace, Victoria

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The "Dark Days" Are Our Greatest Teachers

Everywhere I look, friends are unhappy, clients are riddled with anxiety, depression, self-doubt and fear, and life appears dark and without hope. At least that is the message I'm hearing from many.  Nothing feels satisfying anymore including relationships, work and the long-term picture looks bleak.  I see one of my responsibilities as a marriage and family therapist and art therapist as helping to instill hope into the psyches of my clients and teaching them that they can learn a thing or two about themselves during these    challenging times.  Since I know all too well about the dark days of life, I feel compelled to share my experiences with others and help them SEE that these challenging times help move us to higher emotional planes. I feel, and so do many spiritual teachers, that the so called dark days are our greatest teachers. That is, if we choose to look closely at our lives and what the darkness is meant to teach us. If you have ever received a diagnosis of a life-threatening or chronic illness, you understand how this news can propel you to take action and re-examine your life.  It is a motivator for many to change eating habits, start exercising, reconnect with old friends and repair relationships and hopefully see one's life from an awakened, eyes wide-open perspective. I believe we can view the cloudier days of our lives the same way...as propellers to experience a deeper understanding and respect for ourselves and lives.

Recently, when a good friend of mine asked, if I ever felt like just "ending it all," I had to be honest and reply, "of course." But, I also added, I'm sure glad I didn't follow through on that thought. I would not be the therapist, woman and healer I am today if it weren't for those dark moments of my life. Once I learned to not fear the dark days and to look them straight at them, and to learn from them, understand them and heal the pain, I found myself in a healthier and stronger place.  We are taught to extinguish sadness, pain and depression, not use them as teachers. We are taught to run from these
feelings and to pretend they don't exist. What if we took care of them, loved them as part of us and allowed them to be really felt and understood? Imagine what we might learn from them.

What I am suggesting, is the next time you experience emotional pain, try sitting with the feelings; try getting to know them and see them as a guide that can teach you about yourself.  Try really taking care of them as if they were an unset child instead of something to extinguish and reject. I would have your journal with you and write about what comes up. Write about what insight you might gain and allow your darkness to speak.

In peace,
Victoria

I'M BORED!

Whenever I hear the phrase, I'm bored, I have a physical reaction! My body grows tense, my eyes roll to the top of my head and I go into attack mode. "What do you mean you're bored?" "Are you kidding me?" With all the amazing and beautiful things in the world waiting to be felt and experienced, you're bored?" It is difficult for me to contain myself upon hearing this statement uttered.  Lets just say, one beautiful day, you find yourself mouthing these two words to yourself and you feel as though you are at a standstill not knowing what to do. Lets just say you stumble across a moment like this...what is an intelligent, wise, articulate, funny, imaginative soul to do?

If you have a computer and internet access you have a world of information at your fingertips...I have one word for you: GOOGLE. All you have to do is LOG ON. You don't have to leave your house; you don't have to pull out your wallet; you don't have to call a friend and arrange a date....all you have to do is LOG ON! Once on, GOGGLE! Do you like books, knitting, skiing, dance, gardening, basketball, old cars, stocks? What is it that shakes your soul? What is it that makes you excited? WHAT ARE YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT? I find so many people have no passions or interests to fall back on when they have down time.  Or, when they lose their job or a spouse dies? Life becomes meaningless for them. They stare blankly into the TV and allow their lives to just tick away.

One way to find out what you are passionate about or or that puts a smile on your face, is remembering what you liked as a kid. It's true. Take a little trip back to your childhood and remember what it was that you enjoyed and spent your time doing. Did you collect bugs? Maybe it's time you ventured out into the wilderness or  took a trip to your local park, even cities have parks. How about joining a bird watching group? Is there anything you've been dying to learn, but haven't allowed yourself the time to take out of your schedule to do?  Check out your local extension school and sign up for a class that either interests you or that you have no clue about and expand your mind.

There is an endless world out there of topics to get excited about. There is you local government to get involved in. There are volunteer opportunities just waiting to be discovered. There are evening classes to enroll in. There are assertiveness training classes to teach you how to be more in charge of your life. There is the Sierra Club to get you outside and walking....I could go on and on with what is out there and at your fingertips!

Next time you find yourself mouthing the phrase, "I'm Bored," email me and we will can build a plan that will get you on the road to discovering what it might be that will fill your soul or developing a passion.  There is something out there just waiting for you to embrace!  Here is my email....Sealoverv@gmail.com.
Peace!