Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Being Fired...Can Be A Blessing in Disguise

A good friend of mine was let go today from a job she held for almost 13 years at MTV in NYC. Her last day is Friday. The stories are all around us, friends, family members, colleagues being giving the pink slip. I was let go, actually, I was fired, back in the 80's from an advertising job in NY myself. I've found whenever I've lost a job, it was a blessing in disguise. It got me thinking about how do we take care of our emotional selves when we've been shown the door. I've come up with a few tips that I feel can help ease the blow.
FIVE TIPS To Get Through the Blow of Being Let Go
1. It's a loss...no matter how much you hate your job. You will miss people, your identity will take a blow, you will feel the same emotions as with any loss: anger, fear, sadness, doubt. Remember, it's about the economy, not you. You are still a valuable, intelligent, creative, and wise individual.
2. Make sure you feel the feelings. Seek therapy, support, don't isolate from friends and family.
3. Keep a journal. You might not want to write about this experience, but it will help you get the feelings out instead of keeping them inside of you. Put your feelings down on paper. I tell clients, let the paper hold your feelings...not your body.
4. Find something to laugh about every day. Listen to music that makes you feel good. Watch a funny movie.
5. Don't limit the job search to what you've always done. Maybe there is a new career awaiting you. Give time to reflection and what it is you'd like to be doing with your life. Be creative in your job search. Think of all the skills you use on a daily basis and see if they are skills that can be applied to a new position. Let everyone you know, know that you are looking for a job. Set time aside for the job hunt, for fun, for quiet time and be hopeful. Keep your eyes open for job fairs. Stay positive and hopeful.
These are just a few ideas I have I hope that they are helpful to you. I will continue to write as I have new ideas for you.
Be Strong

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Using Collage to Tell the Story of Your Life

Collage is an exciting art medium that uses different materials to create an art piece. In this workshop, you will use magazine cut-out images, fabric, textured paper and other objects to create a collage that reflects the story or stories of your life. Supplies will be provided. $10 donation suggestion. No art experience necessary. We will begin with a short meditation to begin the art-making process.

"Enough is Enough" a time for change

To the left, my art-piece Kali-Ma. This goddess represents my inner demons that I work hard to understand and abolish such as negative self talk and doubt. She is also with me in my fight to be heard from my healthcare team and insurance companies.

I've been reading Jean Shinoda Bolen's book, "Goddesses in Older Women...archetypes in women over fifty," and can not put it down. I've found wonderful ideas for art directives as I turn the pages of this fascinating book. In the chapter titled Goddesses of Transformative Wrath: Her Name is Outrage, Bolen speaks of the goddesses who come forth when it is time for us to take ction in order to make changes in our lives, or as she writes, when enough is enough. The two goddesses Bolen includes in this chapter include Sekhmet, the ancient Egyptian Lionheaded goddess and Kali-Ma, Hindu destroyer goddess. These goddesses come into our lives when it is time for change, when we have stayed in a relationship too long, or a job, or to speak out about a cause close to your heart. I am writing about this subject in Creative Journey instead of Wisewomen because of how we can use an idea such as enough is enough to go deeper into this idea with creative self-expression. I would like to suggest that with the theme of enough is enough, you create a collage, write a poem, drawing, painting or short story addressing this subject in your life today. Begin by writing the words enough is enough on a piece of paper, focus on the words, close your eyes and repeat the words. Be aware of what images come to mind as you say these words. When an image comes to you, begin to put the image down on paper. It might come in the way of words or images. Continue to work with this piece as you allow the paper to hold what it is you have had enough of in your life. When finished, reflect on the piece and let it speak to you. You may wish to add to it at a later time. If you are in therapy, bring it with you to share with your therapist. Many times when we engage in art-making feelings can surface so seek support from a professional if you need to. And remember, to be with the process.

Victoria

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Mother's Day

As a childfree woman and having lost my mother 10 years ago, I often ponder the meaning mother's day actually has for me. I do remember my mother everyday of my life. She left this earth way to soon, and I don't need a hallmark holiday to remember and give thanks to her. Her pictures hang in my apartment, her ashes in my bedroom and her voice rings inside of me when I need her support. I never had children of my own, at least 2-legged children. I do have a dog, who for those of you who are pet-lovers understand what I mean. I did my thesis on childfree women and discovered that maternal drive can be directed toward many wonderful and fulfilling endeavors. For me, I put much of my maternal energy into the love and care of my dog, Angel, to my creative work, to my friendships and to my love of learning. These are the areas of my life I am passionate about, and keep me grounded, balanced and feeling alive. If you are a childfree woman, where do does your maternal energy manifest in your life? Whether you always dreamed of being a mother, as I did, never felt the urge or found the right partner, or time ran out, it is important to look at where this energy that might still reside inside of you is directed. Is it a wound that just wont go away, or have you let it go with love and found other ways to be a mother in your life? I'd love to know.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Mend the heart--calm the mind workshop

Workshop w/ Victoria Van Zandt!!!


"Mending the Heart--Calming the Mind: An Introduction to Expressive Art"

Wednesday April 29th, 2009
7-9pm
$30

Expressive art is an amazing tool to help anxious and fearful minds relax as the art becomes the container for the feelings, not the person's body and/or mind, and it is a guide to develop greater insight into one's life. The process of doodling is an example of how drawing helps the anxious mind relax. The power of expressive art stems from the ability of imagery to be the bridge to talking about feelings and accessing emotions easier and quicker than traditional talk therapy. In this introductory workshop, you will be invited to take part in a hands-on art experiential. Art materials provided.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Power of the Dinner Table Ritual

It's come to my attention that very few families actually practice the art of gathering around the dinner table anymore. Ok, so most of my childhood dinners ended in arguing, fist-banging and my mother retreating to her bedroom, I still feel it is necessary to the mental health of families today...how ever you define family. My family consists of me and my dog, but then again, there are no children present. I read recently that it is important to a child's wel-being to have at least 15 minutes of a parents undivided attention a day. That doesn't mean as the parent is arguing with them or attacking them for misbehavior, it means, asking questions about their day, checking in on home they are doing emotionally, academically, physically and with their peers. When the child responds, "everything is OK," the conversation doesn't end there. "What do you mean by OK?" should be the next question. Details, details, details. "What did you find interesting at school today?" Try not to ask yes, no questions, because you'll only get yes, no answers. Suggest your child help out with the dinner preparation even if it is a take out meal.
TIP:
Be creative with your communication style with your child/children. Sit down and do a nonverbal drawing together about how you and your child's day was. All you need is a big piece of paper or small and markers. Each picks a color marker and take turns drawing images that represent your day.
When your down, talk about the images. You can learn a lot from pictures.

Hip to Social Media

Ok, so I'm still trying to figure out how to get google to spot my blog and professional info. I hear google sends out spider like legs to tap into the most popular, original, cool stuff. Isn't art therapy cool? Isn't trying to get awareness to anti-bullying beyond cool? And, isn't empowering midlife women just way too cool? So, what's the problem. Maybe I have to get my cheerleader outfit out, though I was never a cheerleader, start tooting my own horn. I'm on linkedin; I'm on Twitter, though I resisted for quite some time, and, I have a blogspot. It's a whole new world out there with social media, but I think I'm catching on. Things I know that are hip:
Adam Lambert must win Idol
Susan Boyle must win England Has Talent or whatever it's called. And, she must not pluck her eyebrows!
Bo is reeking havoc in the White House - I told you they should have gotten a rescue!
Green saves money
Finally, government...stay out of my womb, out of my bedroom and wedding plans.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Bullying

Bullying has been going on for a very long time. Peer pressure can be endless and children can feel like they have nowhere to turn ,but to end their lives as two boys did recently. Schools pretty much tell bullies to stop it., teachers have so much on their plate as it is, it's hard to keep track of the bullying that takes place outside of their classrooms. So who's responsibility is it? Parents who speak up and address the issue with school administrators have to be advocates for the children nonstop to get the school's attention and then they risk being labeled trouble-makers. So, what should be happening? As a mental health professional, I believe anti-bullying education has to start at a very young age. Bullies need early counseling at the first signs of aggressive behavior and support groups need to be set-up in schools for all children to attend whether they are bullied, do the bullying, or are not bullied. Children should not be afraid or threatened if they speak up as victims or observers of bullying. So, I'm bringing the issue to my local Marriage and Family Therapy organization, CAMFT, California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists to address and begin going to schools and speak with parents. Parents need to check in with their children on a daily basis about their day at school and not be satisfied when their child responds that their day was "OK." Bullying needs to be talked about at home, at the dinner table and whenever possible. Book smart is one thing...emotional smart is just as necessary.
Be Aware
Victoria
Marriage and Family Therapy Intern #52087
Supervisor Gwen Lotery, MFT #37140
art & guidance 4 the body, mind & soul